suju786 (suju786) wrote,

I Think I Hate You Enough To Love You 17/? (2/8)

Mixed – Jin thought aimlessly; his eyes wandered without purpose.
Tan skin and green eyes.
This reminded him of something, he thought again. What?

“Uh…,” the guy blinked for a moment, confused, before seeming to realize that his sunglasses had slipped down his nose.

What did this remind him of?

“Good!” He yelped, and the shades were back on as he clambered out of the small mountain, “good, sir! I’m awesome-! I'll just-,” And he was off – “hey-!” Jin bounced back as he raced off with fervor, dragging Kazuya’s suitcases with him as he disappeared somewhere into the crowd of idols.

“Um…?” He mumbled mind boggled as Kazuya bustled past him once more, on his phone this time – saying something; something very quickly – in English. It caught Jin’s attention for the exact amount of time it took the younger to yank a duffle bag out of one of the piles of luggage and come back, phone in one hand – snatching at Jin’s hand with the other as he dragged him away from Yamapi.

“Break up, make up?” Changmin stuck his head out of the crowd.
“Too early,” Yamapi shook his head sagely.
“Bets?” Yokoyama leaned in.
“Are they really even fighting though?” Tegoshi cocked a brow, joining in on the weirdness, “to be real, Akanishi’s just being salty as hell-,” he gestured to the general picture that was Kazuya alternating between yelling some stuff into the phone and yelling other stuff at Jin when the elder nearly tore his arm off trying to get away from him.

“Fighting,” Uchi stated the obvious.
“Dude, that’s just usual Akame,” Yamapi waved him off, “they’re not fighting or making up -.”
“Just being themselves,” Yokoyama declared.
“Ohhh,” the group nodded understandably for a minute until Changmin whacked Yamapi.
If anyone listened well in that instant, they would’ve heard Jaejoong yelling, “manners!” From somewhere within the depths of the mansion in front of them.

“Money,” Changmin held his hand out expectantly, “I want it back.”
“Ay, ayyyyyy,” the elder patted the wad of bills in his back pocket, “this was fairly embezzled from you suckers-.”
“They were fighting two hours ago, now they’re not fighting anymore – hand it over, Yamashita.”

Changmin pounced. And the squabble devolved into screaming idols and flying bills.
Ryo promptly took out his camera while the others sighed and wandered off.


“Ayyyyyyy, doofus." Meanwhile Jin pried himself from Kazuya, rubbing his wrist. “Quit giving everyone the wrong idea,” Kazuya rolled his eyes muttering something, “those idiots are betting on us, you know?”
“So let them bet,” the younger sighed, dumping his duffel bag off on the couch where Junno had already knocked out, “since when does that bother you anyway? Yamapi always bets on whether we’re sleeping together or not.”

“The fuck.” This was news to Jin, “since when?!” He wheezed.
“Dude,” Koki yawned as he idled between the pair and crashed beside Maru on the floor futon in front of the television in their suite, “since forever.”
“Literally,” Nakamaru yawned, curling up into the oddest sleeping positions until he found the right one – some swastika-esque looking pretzel that involved one leg propped on Junno’s couch, the other bent off in the complete opposite direction.

Decidedly nobody commented.

“Going to kill him,” Jin muttered to himself instead, pushing past Kazuya to get comfy in one of the large armchairs beside Junno’s couch.
“Have fun trying,” Kazuya returned under his breath, texting someone on his phone as he sat down on the bed beside Tatsuya.
“Say what?”
“Nothing,” the younger smiled like an asshole.
Jin opened his mouth – “don’t start,” Junno whined.
“Pleeeeease,” Nakamaru added.

And the next minute saw Jin muttering irritably to himself and his phone while everyone else heaved a collective sigh of relief and settled down.
For the next six hours, utter silence – save for the white noise of juniors trying not to wake up their senpais – reigned in George Tokoro’s mansion as every overworked idol slept off their forced insomnia, the restless nights spent on tours and concerts – all the slumber and sleep anyone could hope for crunched down into the first hours of half-month long vacation.

In that time, Kazuya’s phone rang off the hook a total of eight times, and sadly for Jin – he’d been up by the fifth try.
“Kazuya,” he groaned, while Koki rolled around whining – too tired to go through with a full-blown tantrum. “Mhm, got it, got it-,” came floating out of the bed, which would’ve been well and good had he not fallen asleep once more and let the phone ring to its eighth call.

“Kazu-!” And this time, Jin – now fully awake - flung a pillow at his head, just as it popped out of the sheets.
“Yes… yes-,” he returned, yawning wide and slapping his hand around on the bed until he found the thing and pulled it up to his ear.

“Mmmhhh,” he groaned, combing back his hair, “Jiyongah…?”
Jin glanced up, watching as he turned away from Tatsuya to bury his face against one of his pillows. “What?” He muttered once there.
His gaze shifted - found the slight frown dipping over Kazuya’s closed eyes.

“No - I just got up…what?” he blinked, eyes opening reluctantly, “yes,” he replied to whoever was on the opposite end of his line, “yes - I’m fine, why’re you so worried?” Pause.
“You sound like it,” Kazuya yawned, rolling onto his stomach and stretching his back like a sleepy kitten before he curled up beside Tatsuya again, “hmm? No - don’t you have stuff to do? I thought your comeback was today—,” he quieted as he listened to what the other person had to say.

Meanwhile Jin wondered if it was a coincidence that the supposed 'person with a comeback' Kazuya was speaking to, had the same real name as Big Bang’s leader, G-Dragon.
Nah - he tried to tell himself, and went back to watching the younger fiddle around with the sheets.

“Yeah - but… no. Hn?” A hand rose. It fell into locks of auburn and tugged gently - Tatsuya telling Kazuya to shut up or leave the room before he incurred his sleep-deprived wrath.
“Mm~,” the younger whined, wiggling away, “no - but I’m tired now, call me after you’re finished, yeah? I should be up by then - ow,” - Tatsuya’s hand which stayed insistently in his band mate’s hair tugged harder, and Kazuya grimaced - “alright, fine - Tatsuya’s abusing me - bye,” he hung up abruptly swatting at his guard’s hand and snapping softly at him.

Tatsuya muttered something back, and before Kazuya could open his mouth again - he flung and arm over his side and pulled him close muttering, “sleep, stupid,” - or something to the effect of it.
And back to unconsciousness they were, dead as nails. How they were capable of inducing comas on moment's notice was beyond Jin, considering that once he was up, he was up. Which left him, sitting in silence with his laptop for next four some hours until Kazuya’s phone rang again.

This time twice before a moan rose from the sheets, a string of curses following it all the way to his phone where he answered with a respectable – “No.”
Jin glanced at him as he buried himself in his pillows beside Tatsuya – “yes, I’m still sleeping. I’m a sleepy person. Sorry – now go away-,” he started pulling his phone away from his head, only to have someone yell at him from the other end – loudly.

Loudly enough for Jin to hear something along the lines, “LISTEN TO ME, KAZUYA – YOU STUPID -.”
Kazuya promptly sat up, clapping the phone back to his ear, bloodshot eyes narrowed irritably as he hissed, “don’t start, dumbass – you’re the one who called me, what do you want -,” he paused, trailing off for a moment as he listened to whatever it was the person on the other had to say. He slowly pressed his fingers into the bridge of his nose, brow dipping slowly as he took a breath, “…no,” he murmured, “I don’t know-,” eyes flickering to Jin for the shortest second, “it’s probably just a coincidence… what?” he lifted his head, curling his legs up to his chest now, glancing off to the side somewhere as he bit lip, “…I mean… yeah, but he said they arriving at-,” he pulled his phone away from his ear, glancing at something on it before bringing it back, “in like five hours, he could just be fucking with you – forget it.”

He looked down at his legs now, waving his hand around aimlessly, “…yeah… yes – I don’t know, like two weeks-ish… hn – yeah, fine whatever – I’ll talk to Tatsuya-.”
“TSK.” Jin and Kazuya glanced down into the sheets where their bandmate shifted, burrowing further into his cocoon.
“Hmh,” the younger laughed at something, “calm down, I’ll call you later – yes, byeeeeeeeee,” he cut the call while the person on the other end was still talking.

Turning, he pushed at the lump that was Tatsuya hidden under the blanket. “Tatsu,” he hissed, flinging his phone somewhere between their pillows and leaning down.
“No,” the elder insisted reluctantly.
“Just a minute, get up for a sec,” Kazuya tried again, shaking him harder.
“No, no – not yet,” Tatsuya whined back.
“It’s important-.”
“Give me an hour – Kazu,” his head rose out of the sheets, “please,” he begged.

And the younger stared back for a moment, mouth open like he was going to say something right then.
He took a breath instead, shutting it and glancing off to the side for a second of what looked like him granting his guard mercy – “just,” he started suddenly abruptly turning back.

Tatsuya promptly shoved a hand in his face, turning away as he pushed Kazuya off to the edge of the bed. “Nope,” he grouched and collapsed back into the welcoming fluff.
“Tsk, fine, just listen then, old man…,” Kazuya muttered, leaning over the elder and whispering something into his ear as the elder reluctantly opened his eyes halfway – staring off into nothing as he listened.

Jin watched, half tempted to listen in – even if it meant he’d have to leave the comfort of his chair.
“Hn,” Tatsuya hummed, and Jin tilted his head.
On the bed, the elder blindly flapped an arm behind himself until he found Kazuya and clapped a hand to the younger’s face, murmuring something Jin would’ve heard if he’d leaned in just a bit closer.

But Kazuya’s face scrunched into worry - did that thing where his lips neither twitched up nor down, eyes widening like he was starting to panic. And Tatsuya sighed, turning to glance back at him this time – hand sliding off his jaw. His mouth moved, brow cocking impatiently, and the younger crumpled slightly, turning red. “I didn’t mean to-,” Jin managed to pick up as he observed the pair.

Personally, he thought Kazuya and Tatsuya would make the hottest couple ever, if Ryo wouldn’t commit mass genocide over the fact of its existence.

A smile tugged at his lips, and he glanced back up when the sheets shifted.
Tatsuya was muttering something again, waving his hand around recklessly – smacking Kazuya in the face at some point.
“Tsk – Uebo,” Kazuya whacked his arm back irritably and the lump of blankets beside him shook in a low, amused laugh as the elder turned away, laughing into his wrist.

“Mmmh,” he moaned into his own, face sinking into his hands as he decided to ignore him. He seemed to think for a moment as he held that for a second, before slowly turning to eye Jin.

Jin cocked a brow, ready to fight.
“Nothing,” Kazuya murmured softly before the man could ask. “Nothing,” he continued as he turned back and fell back into the bed, “nothing at all,” he whispered into his pillows as he turned into them.
And the elder frowned. Mouth opening, he made for a dry retort – but not before someone’s phone came back to life.

“KAZ-!” Koki barked infuriatedly, head flying out of his pillows.
“Not miiiiiiiine,” the younger waved him off, pointing his middle finger in Jin’s general direction while the man patted his sweater down and pulled his ringing phone out.
Koki relented, grunting reluctantly as he fell into the cushions beneath him.

Meanwhile, his bandmate glanced at his phone. Hotter Than You, it read – long for, Yamapi; his best friend has obviously been screwing around his phone – Jin expected to find a bunch of other inappropriate names in his contacts if he looked -- except the hiss of a snicker that usually came with this type of fuckery, was missing.
Instead, Jin poked his tongue into his cheek and watched his phone ring away in his hand.

He wasn’t ready to deal with his best friend just yet. Lucky for him, bad attitude and recovering from a terribly serious back wound went hand in hand so Yamapi hadn’t really confronted him about being avoided.
Was he supposed to feel guilty about doing that?
Everyone just assumed that him being salty was a fault of him nursing fevers on again, off again and possible overflow from his hate war with Kazuya.

Reasonable, no? Jin had no business feeling guilty for his temper tantrum when Yamapi was supposed to feel guilty about being a mass murderer.
But whatever – his brain excused. The phone in his hand rang again – Pi was calling again.

Jin stiffened, shoulders locking up defensively as he hurried to fling his phone down in his lap and leave it there.

He didn’t know how to deal with this. God, he just didn’t know.

He didn’t know how to deal with anything. With Yamapi, with Kazuya, their predicament, with any of the new information Suzuha had told him really – he didn’t know how to deal with any of it.
He was avoiding having to do so. Yamapi would probably start getting suspicious by this evening – tomorrow morning at latest - because as far as all fights between them went, it was usually Jin who’d fucked up and Yamapi who ended up giving him the silent treatment.

Besides, them being on vacation and all, he couldn’t exactly use the excuse of work to get away from his best friend so…

The man sighed.
Fingers pushing into his temples, he found himself – against all odds – wanting his simple, married life back. When he’d just been an idol and a father, and maybe a little bit of shitty husband that Meisa put up with nonetheless. God, he wanted that easy life back – uncomplicated little marriage problems and all. At least a few years ago, the worst of his problems had been weighing the pros and cons of staying out for a night vs. coming back home.
The good life.

Jin rolled his eyes. I’m getting old.
He tried not putting too much thought into that as he shut his thoughts, and willed them to take a more interesting route.

Meisa – he thought after a moment, opening his eyes a little.

He hadn’t spoken to her in a while; maybe he’d put himself in a better mood if he got his little girl on the line – his phone buzzed again.
Jin jumped, hand springing off his face as he glanced down; brow crinkling together when he read off Yamapi’s nickname.

He whimpered without thinking, pushing the phone to the edge of his knees like if he pushed it far enough, his best friend would catch a hint somehow.
“Stop,” he muttered quietly, squeezing his eyes shut, “please… just-.”

“Answer it.”

He flinched.
The scowl that hit him by the time he opened his eyes was a pure reflex to Kazuya’s voice, and he frowned when he saw the younger sitting up on the bed across from him.
“No,” he wrinkled his nose.

The brunette tilted his head. “It might be important,” he reasoned, eyes wandering for just a moment into his own lap, where his own phone lit up on the blanket.
Pi had texted him – Jin reasoned.
“Check,” Kazuya demanded, turning back up and-

-“No,” Jin made a face this time, “I can’t deal with him right now.”
“You don’t want to deal with him. “
“Same difference.”

The younger went quiet, eyes dropping back down to his phone when it lit up again.
Up went his brow, the edges of his lips twitched in what could’ve been either a scowl or a smile.

“Jin,” he lifted his head back.
His band mate turned away, sniffing skeptically.
“Quit being such a kid and just check your phone – Jin-,” he yelped when the elder suddenly sat up, grabbing his phone and flinging it across the room at Kazuya where it slammed into the headboard when the younger ducked to avoid it.

“Tsk…,” Tatsuya groaned softly from under, curling away from the sudden noise.
“Ji-,” Kazuya grimaced.

“Look,” Jin snapped, leaning forward, brow low, fingers clasped tightly between the space of his knees, “Pi isn’t just a friend, he’s family - he's my little brother," Kazuya's frown softened, mouth falling open wordlessly as he shook his head, "when people tell me he's got issues he's been hiding from me all our lives, I'm not going to take that easy - so give me some time-."
“Jin…,” Kazuya leaned forward.

“He’ll understand,” the latter hissed through clenched teeth, “and so will you.” With that he sat back, and folded his arms – never dropping the scowl, never leaving the younger’s eyes.
“Jin,” Kazuya repeated, “for God’s sake, listen to me – Jin,” he called when the man abruptly turned away, tongue in his cheek. “Jin,” he repeated.

The way he’d said it - his tactic had changed - soft now, gentle and pleading - “Jin, please - it isn’t his fault.”
“How exactly is it not?” he couldn’t curb his irritation right now, not after having not dealt with it and avoiding his own best friend for the entirety of three days now. “Tsk!” The bitter scowl he had on as a result was every bit of his face as it was his entire body; racking it, making it difficult for him to sit still. “How?” - and so he didn’t. Standing up abruptly, he started to pace because the only other way all this agitated energy would leave him, would be through a punch in Kazuya’s face, Yamapi’s too - liars that they were.

“I mean I know you’re crazy - you’ve been crazy since your grandfather started-!” – Kazuya’s mouth fell wide, eyes panicked as his hands flew up into the air - “Jin-!” he whisper-screamed, one hand frantically ghosting over his own lips, the other flying up in the elder’s direction because the ending to that sentence would forever blow the Kamenashi Sin to bits should any of the members that weren’t Tatsuya, be awake.

Too cruel – Jin flinched - he couldn’t do that to Kazuya, he didn’t hate him that much; not yet anyway. And so he caught his tongue. Paused in his steps and stared studiously at the floor.
About 3% of anything and everything that was in his head made actual sense. The rest of it was just intellectual nonsense he couldn’t possibly piece together without more pieces to the puzzle. The largest mystery of which, was his very own best friend. Or, should that be his not-so-very-best friend considering that he didn’t know the first thing about Yamashita Tomohisa?

A faint growl at the thought slipped passed his clenched teeth, and he turned back to his band mate because there was nothing else he could do that wouldn’t involve violence.
“He could’ve just told me, couldn’t he?” he frowned; and he knew how unreasonable he’d sounded right then. Essentially, this boiled down to him being jealous about the fact that Yamapi didn’t trust him enough to tell him certain things.

“No,” Kazuya snapped back suddenly, voice tight, “he couldn’t. You need to understand that.”
“Why NOT?!” Jin gasped, throwing his hands out in front of him, “he’s messed up - fine! He’s done some things, fine! He’s-,” Kazuya’s eyes widened again. Jin got the message - “-hurt people,” he sugarcoated generously, “fine! I would’ve gotten it!-”

The younger’s mouth opened.
“What-?!” Jin interrupted before he could start. “Did he think I’d go to the cops just like that? Boom, hey my friend’s fucked up, here, take him, lock him up forever - SERIOUSLY?!”
“It wasn’t like that-,” Kazuya shook his head slightly.
“We come from the ghetto, Kazu - the ghe.tto -,” Jin’s fingers twitched in desperation as he held them out in front of him, “we’ve seen some shit, you think I wouldn’t get that he’d be screwed up some?! We grew up surrounded by criminals - OF COURSE he’d be some kind of fucked up-!”

“Jin, he couldn’t just tell you something like that-!”
“WHY NOT?!” the elder gasped. “Jin, I’m CRAZY! It’s that simple!”
“IT’S NOT!” and this time Kazuya yelled loud enough. He’d crossed a line, Jin could tell. “You think it’s easy?!” he continued, “do you?! Huh?!” - he paused. A broken breath lurched through him as he glanced down, staring at his hands first, before casting a side glance down at the bed.

From an angle at which Jin couldn’t see, Tatsuya stared back him silently from under the blanket. Kazuya gazed back, eyes hooded darkly as they sank to the man’s lips - ‘tread carefully’ - they mouthed.
And he slowly drew in loose fists against the comforter, before turning back to his hands.
“Let’s go outside,” he breathed, tightening his fingers then loosening his fist again before he raised his eyes up to where his band mate stood, scowling at him. “Outside,” he repeated and cleared his throat, head tilted to their patio door, “let’s talk outside.”

“Jin, please.”

And for a moment, dark brown eyes roved suspiciously over him.
“Jin,” Kazuya frowned - the glare hardened, but the resolve withered.
“Tsk!” he only snapped to the surrounding nothingness as he abruptly stalked off to the patio door with heavy steps, the younger soloist following after him in a minute.

“What, then?” he snapped gruffly when Kazuya slid the glass door shut behind him.
Kazuya ignored him. He paced for a few seconds, eyes tracing unseen patterns on the deck floorboards before he turned two minutes later, hands on his hips. “Jin, when did we meet?” He asked out of the blue.

A moment’s worth of silence passed.
“What.” The elder frowned when the question finally got through to him.
“When,” Kazuya stepped away from him, arms folding across his chest, “did we meet?”
“Wha-?” Jin shook his head, “summer of…,” he paused, frowning - confused and curious in the same second. He turned to face him fully -, “summer of ’98, why?” he started again when the younger hitched a brow.

“Because when did you find out I liked having sex with my clients?”
The man silenced. This was an iffy subject - he glanced off to the side - “when, Jin?”
And the soloist grimaced, tongue slipping out to push at the corner of his lips as he shook his head again, staring pointedly at anything that wasn’t Kazuya. “I don’t know, don’t remember - what does this have to do with Pi anyway-.”

“2007, Jin - I told you in 2007,” Kazuya interrupted, “and that too, literally in December, at the end, during Christmas-.”
“So, 10 years, asshole,” Kazuya frowned, “it took me nearly ten years to tell you that I’d gotten so used to my business that I liked getting abused - now how hard do you think that was for me?”

Jin stayed quiet.

“How hard,” Kazuya repeated, voice sinking until it turned soft, “do you think it was? Easy?”
“Jin, I like it. I like the way they treat me - even the bad ones, the ones that literally. Rape. Me; did you think,” the brunette stepped closer, “it would’ve taken me any less than ten years to say that to you? - Look. At me,” he demanded with a sternness the elder had never once gone against in his life.

He turned up.
Kazuya’s eyes were hurt.
He immediately turned away.

“I could barely get the words out of my mouth -,” the younger’s grimace was audible, “I was stuttering, I got physically sick, I couldn't even handle the thought of you ever figuring it out, of you ever judging me for it - and you!” Jin jumped when Kazuya’s voice rose, and he took a step back noting that the latter was standing a foot away, “you, huh,” - Kazuya laughed helplessly, throwing his hands into the air with a pointless sort of feel, “you never even treated me the same after that - Kamenashi this, Kamenashi that - this-,” he pointed to the floor, tapped his foot against it, “this, this - right here, right now - this reunion bullshit - you realize this is the first time in years you’ve actually called me by my first name? The first time, Jin.”

“I…,” - and Jin trailed off, lips rolled in and tightly bitten. “Mh,” he groaned quietly into his mouth, turning away to stare at the patio deck and his wooden floorboards, before nodding slowly. “Okay,” he started, lips unfurling - but still agitatedly bitten, “okay,” he repeated, scraping up enough gall to stare the latter in the eye, “okay, I get your point-.”
“You don’t,” Kazuya shoved a finger into his chest, “you don’t, Jin - because…,” he paused, shaking his head, eyes soft -, “when you pulled that stunt… did you think he wasn’t watching?” he cocked his head, ducking low so he could catch Jin’s eyes and hold them in accusing stare, “did you think he wasn’t watching when that happened?”

The elder stiffened. Miraculously, he still hadn’t flinched away from hardening pressure that was the younger pushing into his chest - “what…?” he started, bewildered and with a frown. “Watching - who, Yamapi?”
“Who else?” Kazuya pulled back, “you already knew half my secret, I tell you I’m insane in weird ways, and suddenly we’re over - how do you think he takes that when he knows you don’t even know half of his story? Huh?”

Jin winced. The fact that this was making sense to him, made him seem like an asshole in hindsight.

“He was scared, Jin,” Kazuya explained, and the elder immediately turned away because - NO. He wasn’t ready for this; wasn’t ready to feel sorry for the guys that had been lying damn circles around him this entire time - “he still is scared - he used to cry at the thought of you ever finding out – he still does-.”
“Why?” Jin turned back. He wasn’t being bitter about this right now, he was truly asking. “Why - what’s he so afraid that I might do-?”

“Treat him like a stranger!” Kazuya flung his hands in the elder’s face, “he’s afraid you’ll treat him like you did me! And all I did was tell you I’m addicted to sex!"
“Wait - no. Kazuya, that’s not-,” Jin immediately stepped forward, but the brunette in front of him fell back.
“He’d have to tell you that he was a killer - not even a sex freak - a killer, Jin!” Kazuya’s fingers abruptly splayed from where they were still in the air; a desperate sort of acted out question - “most people don’t exactly take that with a smile, you know?”

“Yes, but I wouldn’t have-!”
“Wouldn’t have what?” Kazuya laughed, head tilted, “wouldn’t have deserted him? Wouldn’t have forgotten him - Yamashita this, Yamashita that - no more Tomo?” - he was reiterating what Jin had done to him post-2007.

The guilty winced. “Kazuya,” he murmured, one of the hands on his hips rising to pinch the bridge of his nose.
“You would’ve, Jin,” the younger ignored him, “if you wouldn’t have gone to the police the way a normal person would’ve, you would’ve distanced yourself from him because - hah - who wouldn’t?” the grimace Jin wore pinched him. “Kazuya,” he tried again.

But Kazuya wouldn’t hear it, “he’s a killer for God’s sake, a mass murderer, right?!” he gasped.
“Kazuya, just listen for a second-,” Jin let go of his nose.
“You’re telling me wouldn’t?” the younger pulled away from him when he got too close again, “he’s committed genocide, and you shunned me for liking SEX-!”

“I DIDN’T!” Jin finally roared, “not because of the sex thing, goddammit! I DIDN’T get weird about you because of that - you listening to me?!” he grabbed Kazuya’s arms before he could move away again, and flung him back against the patio door - following and holding him there, against the glass. “I didn’t do that because you told me about your issues -.”

Part 3
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